Do you think threesomes or more, can bring an extra something to a relationship or are they destructive in the long run? My partner asked me if I’d be into it and I am, but not if it’s going to damage our relationship.
Going outside the relationship has great potential for mind-blowing excitement and for disaster. It really depends on how strong the relationship is, as well as the genuine interest of each partner in this type of play as it’s not okay to be pushed into something like this if it’s not for you. It tends to work better if both partners are confident and non-possessive lovers.
It’s worth figuring out if a threesome is simply a fantasy rather than a plan. Sometimes partners get turned on by the fantasy, and being able to share it can be enough. You need to talk, talk and then talk some more about it. If you’re good communicators this will be easy, but if you aren’t, that’s the first skill you need to improve on together.
Do your research online or buy a book. Discuss who you would want as the third party and how you’d involve them. It is vitally important to agree that one of you can pull out at any time, even on the night or during the experience. It has to be okay to change your mind without causing a fight or feeling pressure.
Picking the third party needs a lot of thought. I would suggest someone you don’t know and won’t see again in your daily lives as a starter as it tends to be less threatening. Find singles looking for hook-ups with couples online and then all three of you meet for a coffee and a chat in advance to ensure you’re a good fit.
You need to discuss the minute details regarding the boundaries for all three of you. Be clear about what sexual acts are on and off the cards for each of you and how and where you want to be touched. Some acts may feel too intimate or personal, for example, some don’t want kissing on the mouth. Some straight couples are keen to have same sex experiences under these circumstances. The important thing is that all three of you know in advance what’s acceptable so nobody will be put under pressure on the night.
Safety if vital so bring condoms and lube and choose your venue carefully. A neutral space may be best, such as a hotel, and treat the third party with respect. Then discuss the experience fully afterwards, to learn what did and didn’t work. If you can get all these elements right, you could have a fantastic time and there’s no reason to expect the relationship to be damaged as long as everyone is respected and cared for, and everything is transparent.