I’m 19 and I watch a lot of porn. I started with straight, vanilla stuff and kept going. Now I get more turned on by gay porn than by straight or girl on girl porn. Does this mean I’m gay?
Arousal – and ultimately orgasm – becomes synonymous with whatever you’re watching. If you watch gay porn and masturbate, it’s easy to imagine that you must be gay because you have an erection and have orgasms while watching men have sex. However, just because they may happen all at the same time, does not mean that one causes the other.
Studies of how straight men watch porn show that they tend to focus on the penis going into the orifice. The orifice may be a vagina, anus or mouth. The focus is on the penis and orifice and not on the bodies or people. After a while it becomes easier to watch any penis going into any orifice regardless of sex or gender.
Anal sex is a part of pretty much any mainstream porn these days and there are lots of close-ups where the rest of the bodies are out of shot. So watching a penis penetrating an anus becomes the focus rather than a man penetrating a woman.
Some straight men enjoy watching gay porn because it’s taboo and others because they’re open to all sorts of turn ons and this is just another one.
The bottom line is, watching gay porn doesn’t make you gay. You might be gay, but your porn viewing won’t turn you gay, though it’s often a great way for guys to explore and discover things they might like to try in real life.
I’d suggest getting out there and meeting some real people for some real dates and see how it goes. It’s all theory until you hold a person in your arms and feel your heart miss a beat.
I’m looking for some porn I can watch with my girlfriend who won’t watch the usual pornhub stuff.
Watching porn together can be a real turn on if you find the right stuff. Most women don’t like mainstream porn because they find it repetitive and boring, while others worry about people being abused in the industry. But due to demand, a new kind of porn production has emerged. Ethical or Feminist porn is usually made by women and ensures that all the people involved in the film production are treated and paid well and love what they do.
It’s not all soft lighting and fairy stories either, with plenty of variety to meet most needs, including hardcore and kink. Some genres will have a storyline and others are straight to the action. All kinds of people perform in ethical porn but they’re empowered and respected, and you get to see people touching and caressing and communicating. Ethical porn sex is hot and the orgasms are real, which means you get off and get educated all at the same time. And you’re going to love the homework!
Check out a few sites with your girl and let her choose.
www.puckerup.com, www.brightdesire.com, www.erikalust.com.
I’ve been in a relationship with a man for about 18 months. We moved in together about three months ago and about a month ago I found out he watches porn a lot. I knew he watched porn but I’m really angry. I think it should stop when you’re living with someone and are having lots of sex with a real person. What do you think?
It sounds like you might believe that porn is something that only single people use as compensation for not having sex with a real person. But people watch porn for all sorts of reasons and lots have watched porn since childhood whether in or out of relationships. It sounds like you knew he watched porn but had an expectation that it would stop when you moved in together, while he may have had a different expectation around continuing as before.
This is an example of how couples make big life decisions without discussing expectations around those decisions. While living together does have certain universal meanings: sharing a roof, bills, food and time, the devil is in the detail, and the less specific you are around the details, the more opportunity there is for obstacles to appear down the line. Now this obstacle has appeared, you’ll need to slow down and talk it through without blame or defensiveness.
The first thing you need to do is get clear about what bothers you and what you’re willing and unwilling to compromise on. Why does it bother you so much that he’s still watching porn? Do you dislike porn itself? Is it the amount of time he spends viewing? Do you take his porn viewing as a sign that you’re not enough? Does it feel like cheating? Once you’ve had time to reflect you can communicate more clearly and find a solution based on both your needs.
How the communication goes will depend on how well you’re able to talk about difficult subjects and how willing you are to disagree and still love each other. Many relationships end due to poor communication rather than the issue needing resolution, so don’t be afraid to get some counselling to help you find your way through this.
It’s likely he’ll need to tweak his viewing now that he lives with you, the same way you’ll both have to tweak how you shop, spend money, clean and plan generally. But if his watching porn has an emotional impact on you then he needs to know so he can understand why it’s important for you that he changes. However, the bottom line is, if the relationship is a good one, and you feel loved, important, respected and fancied, you may need to do some tweaking of your own regarding how he spends his personal time.
Sometimes the best relationship isn’t the one where both partners agree, but the one where they disagree and love each other anyway.
I’m worried my penis is too small to be good in bed. I’ve slept with loads of women and only a couple have had orgasms during sex. I can last about 30 minutes and am training myself to last longer. What can I do to make my penis bigger?
I don’t know how big your penis is erect, but I can tell you that the average penis size is about 5 inches, depending on where you measure from (the underneath or the top-side of the base).
I’m curious to know who you’re comparing yourself to and where you get your information on what makes sex “good”. We’re bombarded with the message that “big is better” whether it’s cars, houses, boobs or penises.
Porn compounds this idea by feeding the male fantasy that big penises are desirable and necessary for great sex. But we have to remember that porn is not real and the things that porn actors appear to desire and enjoy are often not real either.
Remember the women you’re watching in porn are doing a job and they are acting. In real life, most women don’t want to be called sluts, they don’t want to “deep-throat” or have men ejaculate on their faces, and they don’t want to have prolonged intercourse with huge penises.
It’s not all about the length of your penis either. Vaginal canals vary in length and the average vaginal canal (which can expand with arousal) is similar to the average penis in length. If you can feel the tip of your penis hitting off something during deep penetration, it means you’ve reached her cervix.
In fact, men with long penises often want the feeling of deep penetration but will never experience it because there isn’t a vagina long enough for them. Men with smaller penises can engage in deeper, harder penetration without hitting their partner’s cervix. Hitting the cervix can be anything from uncomfortable to excruciating for women and usually needs to be avoided.
Real sex isn’t about stretching and hurting and pushing your partner to her limits. It’s about pleasure for both of you. Most women prefer smaller penises when giving oral as they don’t want to gag or get a sore jaw. Smaller is often preferred for anal play too, and some women don’t even want penetration.
About 85% of women don’t orgasm from penetration alone, so it sounds about right that only a couple of women have orgasmed during penetrative sex. I recommend you shift your focus from the size of your penis to your tongue and finger skills. The evidence is deafening: women much prefer a lover with a smaller or average penis who knows how to arouse them in a multitude of ways, rather than a man who thinks all he needs is a big penis and lacks skills. I’d question your need to last longer than 30 minutes too!