A key component of great relationships is collaboration. Most couples need help with learning how to collaborate, whether it’s in dialogue, parenting, money management, day to day or sex. Relational collaboration or “relaboration”, goes hand in hand with trust, flexibility and empathy. Its nemeses are perfectionism, entitlement and fear. Trusting your partner means you’ll give […]

Menopause is still a “hot” topic (no pun intended) and being discussed more openly, validating experiences and showing womb owners we’re not alone. I find myself regularly starting conversations with random women about our symptoms and I’ve had some of the best belly laughs (now that I have a magnificent menopaunch) with strangers as we […]

Masturbation is not a term I tend to use because many people have negative associations with the word. Interestingly, folk seem to have more trouble with the pleasure part of masturbation than the practical, and I suspect this is because we’ve managed to discuss sex and orgasms without really mentioning pleasure. If we’re not talking […]

My “sex ed” at home happened young. After 7 kids and 9 pregnancies my mum sourced contraception (illegally) from the UK. Every morning she would take “the pill” and I also took a pill. Mine was a delicious orange flavoured vitamin C tablet. On my first day in third class in the convent I attended, […]

A friend once told me that one summer evening she and her new boyfriend became overwhelmed with lust while walking the canal. There was no-one around so they snuck into the bushes for some monkey business, during which time, she got stung on her bum by a wasp. She leaped up and out of the […]

Many of us will remember the scene in Friends where Rachel appears dressed as Princess Leia to fulfil Ross’s biggest fantasy. Chaos and hilarity ensue as all he can see is the hot body topped with his own mother’s face. While Rachel got the outfit just right, it turned out to be more complicated than […]

As long as there’s been marriage there’s been infidelity. Historically, men were entitled to affairs, based on a belief that they are more sexual and have more needs. But when theories like these appeared nobody was asking women about their sexual desires and needs and nobody cared. The focus was on controlling female sexuality, not […]

The most common issue I see with couples is desire discrepancy. Desire discrepancy usually refers to a difference in levels of sexual desire. But I’m going to refer to that as sexual desire discrepancy (SDD) and broaden out the term of desire discrepancy (DD) to encompass the wide variety of differing desires for all sorts […]

Many couples come to me looking for help to reignite their sex lives. Inevitably the fix will be multi-layered, addressing issues around confidence, skills, communication and how to be vulnerable. Once the couple is feeling progress in the non-sexual areas, it’s time to start designing the new sex life they both want. Throughout the pre-sexual, […]