Q&A

Christmas this year is the same as every year. We’ve been fighting over money and stupid things, and our two kids are killing each other (6 and 9). Me and my husband are tired and stressed every year and we take it out on each other and the kids. I’m so sick of it. While Christmas can be a lovely time for some, for others it’s nothing but stress and work and fighting. If couples fight, their fights are often worse when tired, worried about money, or spending time with in-laws. The best way to combat arguments is by planning… Read more: Christmas Arguing

  Hi Emily, I wanted to write in to share my experience as I think it could help others. I’m a mother of two and have a husband I adore. After the second birth I felt pain during intercourse. I tried to ignore it as having a baby and a three-year old pushed sex down my list of priorities anyway. Over time, my libido disappeared and I was tense when we did have sex because it hurt. I never told my husband and just tried to get on with it. I had some pain in and around my vagina day-to-day… Read more: Success Stories

  Why use things like toys to enhance your love/sex life. Isn’t flesh on flesh more meaningful?   Enhance is right. It’s totally subjective. If you love skin on skin and so does your partner and you don’t feel the need for toys, don’t have them. But if you’d like more variety in your sexual styles, masturbation and orgasms, toys are fantastic. It’s great to be able to bring yourself and your partner to orgasm without toys but there are many things hands and mouths can’t do that toys can. Some people find it really hard or impossible to orgasm… Read more: Sex Toys

  I’m from a small town and it’s normal there to slag people off as “gay” or “fags”. I’ve gone along with everyone else and it’s always been a laugh. I left home two years ago to go to college and I’ve started hooking up with guys recently and I really like it. I’m not interested in girls and realise I never really was. I’m terrified someone at home will find out. I think my family would disown me and my friends would dump me. I don’t know what to do.   I’m delighted to hear you’ve found fun and… Read more: Coming Out

  I’m 19 and I watch a lot of porn. I started with straight, vanilla stuff and kept going. Now I get more turned on by gay porn than by straight or girl on girl porn. Does this mean I’m gay? Arousal – and ultimately orgasm – becomes synonymous with whatever you’re watching. If you watch gay porn and masturbate, it’s easy to imagine that you must be gay because you have an erection and have orgasms while watching men have sex. However, just because they may happen all at the same time, does not mean that one causes the… Read more: Porn Use

  I’m 23 and have had sex five times since I was 20. It has hurt every time and leaves me feeling like I’m burning inside. I’ve met a guy I like and we’ve been on a few dates. I know he’s going to expect sex soon and I can’t face the disappointment again. Makes me want to give up dating.   Painful sex is very common in women and quite common in men. While pain varies along with its cause, yours sounds like it could be caused by lack of lubrication. As our sex ed is based on biology… Read more: Painful Sex

  You talk about good lubrication a lot but what’s the difference between all the different kinds and how do I choose?   Great question. Your lube is a personal choice and there isn’t one lube that everyone will love. Here’s a brief outline of the types of lubes available and what you can expect. If you care about what you put in your body and try to buy organic, then an organic lube makes sense as your vagina is as absorbent as your mouth. If you’re prone to thrush or UTI’s, avoid lubes loaded with sugar or fructose. Manufacturers… Read more: Lubrication

  I’m married for 10 years, I have two lovely children. Main problem with lovemaking is that I come very quickly (within 2 or 3 mins) and I am the woman! I have googled this problem and haven’t found out why this is happening. Very frustrating, but my other half is very patient and understanding. I usually have to finish him “manually”…. please help.   Firstly – well done to you for having orgasms so quickly and easily! There’s no reason for sex to end when you orgasm. Women can have numerous orgasms one after the other. I wonder if you… Read more: Female Orgasms

  My boyfriend wants to go down on me but I’m way too embarrassed and worried about the smell and taste. How could anyone really like that?   It’s very common for women to worry about the look/taste/smell of their vulvas and vaginas. I wonder why you’re embarrassed. Women’s vulvas vary as much as their faces. While we all share features, they can be totally unique in size, colour, shape, positioning and hair cover. Google The Great Wall of Vagina to get an idea of the variety (you won’t see hair as casting vulvas with hair would mean agonising waxing!)… Read more: Female Oral Pleasure

  I’m way too shy to let anyone see my body naked. I look like a starving child, even though I’m 19. People tell me I look great, but they can’t see how thin I am under the layers. I eat lots but just can’t put on weight so I’m stuck like this.   If you haven’t already, get yourself some professional advice on gaining weight as there may be a reason such as your body not absorbing nutrients from food, a hormonal imbalance, a fast metabolism, or an overactive thyroid. Whether you find a cause or not, it’s time… Read more: Body Image

  I’m worried my penis is too small to be good in bed. I’ve slept with loads of women and only a couple have had orgasms during sex. I can last about 30 minutes and am training myself to last longer. What can I do to make my penis bigger?   I don’t know how big your penis is erect, but I can tell you that the average penis size is about 5 inches, depending on where you measure from (the underneath or the top-side of the base). I’m curious to know who you’re comparing yourself to and where you… Read more: Penises

  When I’m giving my boyfriend a blow job he wants me to swallow but I hate the taste so I spit it into a tissue or go to the toilet. He moans about it every time. Who’s right?   If he wants you to swallow his ejaculate and you don’t like the taste, ask him to swallow it himself and see what he thinks. He shouldn’t ask you to do something he’s not willing to do himself. If you’re okay with semen in your mouth then maybe it’s worth seeing if he can improve the taste (whether you spit… Read more: Oral Pleasure – Males

  What are the most common sexual problems for men?   Men ask me this all the time! Premature or rapid ejaculation, erectile problems and performance anxiety are the most common issues. They often appear in combinations and one can lead to another. For example, a man with erectile problems will often develop performance anxiety and may try to rush intercourse before he loses his erection, which over time can lead to rapid ejaculation (RE). Men’s sexual problems are often over-simplified to purely physiological and while sometimes they may be caused by surgery, illness, injury, medication or age, there is… Read more: Male Sexual Problems

  Can men have multiple orgasms?   Because ejaculation and orgasm usually happen at the same time, we think they’re the same thing, but they aren’t, and while most men experience one ejaculation, they can have lots of orgasms. It’s also worth noting that you can have dry or non-ejaculatory orgasms with or without an erection. Some men experience dry orgasms by surprise and don’t know how to have another. But others choose to learn breathing techniques and ways to move their sexual energy around their body so they control when, and how many times that energy peeks. Tantra offers… Read more: Male Orgasms

  Do men have G-spots?   The male G-spot is actually his prostate gland, which is about the size of a walnut and is found about two inches inside the anal canal on the front wall (facing his tummy). The prostate gland helps control urine release (it’s right below the bladder) and also produces some seminal fluid. There’s plenty of research showing the health benefits of prostate massage (sometimes called “milking”) and there are specialist clinics and expensive equipment to do the job. But it’s pretty easy to do yourself, and many men enjoy prostate massage immensely as part of… Read more: Do Men Have G-Spots?

  I have chronic lower back pain for the last two years and I don’t know if I’ll ever be rid of it. My wife and I have avoided sex in case we make my back worse, and we kept expecting it to get better. But if it doesn’t get better, is that the end of our sex-life?   I’m sorry to hear you have chronic back pain and I know from personal experience just how debilitating it can be. As I don’t know the cause of your pain, it’s very hard for me to make suggestions, so I’ll try… Read more: Older Sexuality

  Is it excessive to masturbate 4 or 5 times a week?   It’s great to masturbate regularly and 4 or 5 times a week is nowhere near being a problem. In fact, there’s some solid research showing that men’s prostate health is helped by ejaculating between 5 and 7 times a week. It’s a lot easier to tell a partner what you like if already know. Women who masturbate regularly to orgasm tend to have higher desire than those who don’t. The vagina is kept at optimum health through regular lubrication, best achieved via masturbation. It doesn’t matter if… Read more: Masturbation / Self-loving / Self-pleasure

  I worry about my 14-year-old daughter’s safety when she goes out. She wants to wear really short shorts, fake tan and bare legs. Her bum cheeks are hanging out. I don’t think it’s a safe way to dress but I don’t want to frighten her. What can I do?   You’re right to worry about her safety and the fact that you do is a credit to you. I suspect that even if she left the house wearing a bee keeper’s suit you’d still worry. It’s your job as a parent to guide your daughter and empower her to… Read more: Educating Our Children & Young People

  My boyfriend’s idea of seduction is to wake me up and display his huge boner. I’m delighted to be getting some but do wish for a little less of the macho lead-in. Any suggestions?   You clearly enjoy being sexual with your partner and appreciate his attention. But you need to talk. Sleepy sex can be a lovely part of a varied sexual repertoire, but not everyone wants it on a regular basis. The “waker” will usually get their needs met as they will already be turned on before they involve the “wakee”, and are often ready to go.… Read more: Sexual Communication

  Dear Emily, I’m a 27-year old woman and am living with my boyfriend for two years now. We’ve been together three years. In the last year, my sex drive has nearly disappeared. I can’t tell if it’s because there’s something wrong with me, or I’m not attracted to him anymore. I still think he’s handsome but when he touches me now, I just stiffen and try to avoid any contact that could lead to sex.   There are lots of possible causes for your lowered desire, so here are a few things to check. Have you started taking a… Read more: Loss of Desire

  I’m a very busy working mother of three. My husband and I have no time together. We slump into bed exhausted and seem to have lost our libido. How do we get it back?   This is such a common problem. One thing busy couples tend to miss is spontaneity and passion. Some worry that when this goes it’s a sign their relationship is in trouble. But this is a normal development for couples with busy lives and children. Some couples find ways to stay connected but many just hope and expect the time, energy and motivation to appear… Read more: Connecting & Reconnecting

  How can me and my boyfriend stop fighting over stupid things?   Great question. There are lots of reasons people fight over small stuff, but I’ve yet to meet a couple with strong communication skills who choose fighting over discussion. Some couples stick to the “stupid things” because they’re afraid that broaching the deeper stuff could break them up, particularly if they can’t manage to discuss the shopping without a fight. When couples become used to fighting a lot, they often don’t realise the emotional rollercoaster they’re on. This in itself is exhausting and it can also make it… Read more: Communication

  My marriage broke up a year ago and I was devastated. My husband said he wasn’t in love with me any more and there was no-one else. But six months later he was in a relationship and I can’t help suspecting they were together before we split. I also can’t stop thinking how easy it is for him to leave his family (two kids) and start a new life, while I’m stuck at home minding the kids. I’ve no time to date and even if I did, it’s so much harder for women than men. I hate him for… Read more: Break-Ups

  Do you think threesomes or more, can bring an extra something to a relationship or are they destructive in the long run? My partner asked me if I’d be into it and I am, but not if it’s going to damage our relationship.   Going outside the relationship has great potential for mind-blowing excitement and for disaster. It really depends on how strong the relationship is, as well as the genuine interest of each partner in this type of play as it’s not okay to be pushed into something like this if it’s not for you. It tends to… Read more: Threesomes

  Hi. I’m one of those women who read 50 Shades and loved it. I was excited and kind of ashamed at the same time, that it found it so sexy. I liked the idea of this man who knows everything, would sweep me off my feet and all I’d have to do is lie there and learn new things about myself. No responsibility and no effort on my part. What a fantasy! But I also liked the idea of being dominated or tied up. I’m a busy mum of three (teens) and I have a lovely partner. We have… Read more: Kink

  I’m a 53 year old man and I enjoy dressing in women’s clothes sometimes. I don’t want to be a woman or to wear women’s clothes in public. I just like the feel of silky undies and other delicates against my skin. I find it arousing and sexy for me. I’ve been married but it didn’t work out (not because of this), and since then I’ve had one girlfriend. After about a year I felt ready to show her what I liked. She said it was disgusting and I looked ridiculous and we broke up soon after. I’m ready… Read more: Cross-Dressing